5 Reasons...

FIVE REASONS YOU SHOULD GET YOUR BOYFRIEND TO PUT A RING ON IT NOT A BABY IN IT

1. Money

Babies are extremely expensive. 

And you know what babies grow into? Children. Who are even more expensive. 

Have you researched how much daycare costs these days? 

If you are already pregnant, maybe. 

If you are single with no children searching for daycare prices, you are a weirdo.

 One who should not procreate at this time.

You have to work to support the offspring, and you can't work without someone to watch the offspring. 

Guess what? Daycare is absolutely ridiculous. 

Anywhere from $500/mo on the lower end to $900ish a month on the realistic end.

Keep in mind this is without a good deal and/or daycare assistance.

Because yes, there IS a government assistance for that!   

If you are thinking of relying on assistance to support your not-yet-conceived-child, then you are not ready to have a child. 

Why? Because my tax dollars don't really want to pay for it, and I don't either.

You are probably thinking, oh my gosh... DAYCARE? 

That's my almost/is how much I pay in rent! 

Yes, it probably is. And babies need you to be able to pay the rent so they have a place to live when they aren't at daycare.

Let's not stop at daycare. 

Formula is anywhere from $16-$25 per can.

 If my memory serves me correct, a can of formula can last anywhere from one to one and a half weeks. 

That is around $100 a month. Are you keeping up? 

Because we haven't even talked about diapers, and the baby needs somewhere to put all that used up formula!

Diapers range anywhere from $10 for a small package to about $40 for a more reasonable package that will last more than two days. 

Babies use multiple diapers a day, anywhere from 3-10. Diapers. A day.

There's only so many diapers in each package, just saying.

Once they grow out of the formula/diaper stage, you may THINK you will save money... But you won't. Because then they will need underwear all the time, not to mention they grow like weeds and will outgrow that cute new outfit you bought within the next two weeks. They eat like, well, growing boys. Pretty much more than you eat now, which can get pretty expensive if you think about it.

2. You like sleeping more than you think.

You really do, even though you think you could really go for waking up multiple times in the night. Who wouldn't? 

If you are thinking about how cute those little ruffle butt bloomers are, and how sweet it would be to have a baby right now plus nine months...

 I have a great way to change your mind.

My first solution is to babysit a teething one year old for one night. 

One night!!! That is all it will take, I promise. 

Wait until the one year old molars stage, because those are the most fun.

I would try and find someone who you are friends with and ask them to borrow their baby. Posting something on Craig's list would not be acceptable.

Option two requires real self discipline, because you can't snooze a baby.

Set your alarm for every two hours and actually get up. 

Every two hours, because that's how often newborns eat. 

Even three year olds wake up every two hours sometimes, because they're three, and they want to talk, or they have to pee, or they had a bad dream, or they are ready for morning and cannot wait another 4 hours for daytime to begin. 

Do this three nights in a row and I promise you will be cured.

3. Freedom

You have to have your baby covered at all times. 

Even when you have diarrhea. Where's the baby?

Even when you are sooo tired because you haven't slept more than 10 hours in the past three nights combined. Even when you just want to run in the gas station because you only have cash and your car is on E.... you can't leave a baby in the car! You just want to run in to Subway real quick to grab a $5 footlong? Well, it's not going to be real quick. You have to get the baby out of the car seat, take them into Subway, order, put them back in the car seat when it's time to leave....

Finding a babysitter isn't always easy. 

And it doesn't always work out the way you want it to, and sometimes it's frustrating.

You may feel left out at times because your friends are out and you aren't.

If the baby is sick and can't go to daycare, you would have to find a sitter to watch him. Most of the time you have to pay for baby sitters, which could range anywhere from $10/hour and up. If you have a lot of family like I do that love your perfect angel baby it is easier, but there are times when no one is available and well!!! 

That little baby you wanted sooooo badly comes first!

As I am writing this my own three year old is climbing on me and speaking in tongues.

But HEY!!! At least he's covered right?

4. Your Body

Is a wonderland? Maybe not so much after nine months of pregnancy.

Or 18 months of pregnancy if you're Jessica Simpson.

I don't want to freak you out, but fully recovering from pregnancy takes a damn long time. For me, about three years to be completely back to pre-Reese.

If you are thinking you will work out to get that baby weight off, chances are you won't because you don't work out now, and having a baby isn't going to change that. Even if you work out now, finding a babysitter so you can work out may be a challenge--forcing you to just not work out. Or do Jillian Michaels 30 day shred in your living room after bedtime. 

No one will judge you. That shit is hard. 

If you want to get your hair done, you have to find a sitter, but you won't want to waste a sitter on a hair appointment, because you would rather go hang out with your friends if you got the opportunity for a sitter.

5. Being a parent is hard

No matter what age your baby/kid is, being a parent is not an easy task. 

I know you see your friends on Facebook and parenting is so fun! 

And the pics are so cute! And going to the zoo is so much more fun with a toddler (which it is) but please keep in mind that these are the happy times. 

No one is posting a picture of themselves at 3AM up with a coughing toddler, because let's just be honest they probably look like a hot damn mess. 

When you see your friends and their kids out, if the parents are good at what they do the visit was most likely strategically planned out after nap when the child is well rested and on their best behavior. This is not always the case, and if the parent is good at planning, then the bad behavior stays at home for just the parents to enjoy. 

Being a parent to a newborn is hard because they can't talk.

Being a parent to a toddler is hard because they don't stop talking.

These are all things I wish someone would have presented to me before I became a mother. I know these are all things that I never thought about before I got pregnant, or when I was pregnant... I only thought about them as they were presented to me.  Motherhood has been a great experience for me, because I have an amazing family and an even more amazing son. I am extremely blessed for all of these things, but some parents aren't as blessed. I am blessed to have a child with a very big and loving heart, who is healthy, and who is cute as all get out. My advice to all my friends is to wait as long as possible. One day you will be able to experiences the joys and hard times of parenthood, but do your living first. I promise you won't regret it! 

B22COMEBACK

It's been a while since I blogged, and I am truly sorry for leaving you all hanging. I feel as though you deserve an explanation, and there are two LEGIT reasons why I fell off the blogging map:

1. Writer's block

In writing almost mostly every day, I ran out of things to say. 

I haven't run out of things to say since I was dubbed 

"The Mouth of the South" in pre-school twenty years ago. 

1992 REPRESENT!

To be completely honest, it kind of freaked me out... 

And to be completely honest, I just simply did not have anything to blog about! 

But no fear... After about 1.5 months off I am positive I won't run out of things to say, because I am only committing to blogging once a week. 

Wednesday sounds like a good day to me, since Monday is booked with Secret Life of the American Teenager (GUILTY!) and Tuesday is all booked up with 16 and Pregnant (GUILTY!) Thursday is the weekend-eve and then it's the WEEKEND! 

No time for blogs there.

2. Reese

Having a three year old is terribly exhausting. 

You don't believe me?

My day goes something like this:

After a night that may or may not have consisted of consecutive hours of sleep...

5:51 AM: Alarm goes off

*SNOOZE*

(have you ever noticed a snooze lasts 9 minutes? I knew you were going to question it)

6:00AM: Alarm goes off again. For real this time.

*AWAKEN*

Get dressed, possibly breakfast? And possibly doing my hair?

It all depends on how well the snooze went.

6:20ishAM: Wake up Reese

Sometimes he surprises me by being cooperative and not saying things like 

"It's not morning" 

Well, it is morning, and it's time to G-O! 

We are out the door by 6:45AM if I am on time. And by on time I mean lucky.

6:45AM-7:10ishAM: Drive to Reese's daycare

7:10AM: Drop Reese off. 

This goes one of two ways:

1. "I don't want to go to school *resists*" 

 2. "BYE MOM!" <-- what I prefer

7:12-7:15ishAM: Start my own commute to work

7:55AM: Arrive at work (if I'm lucky)

8:00AM-4:30PM: WORK NONSTOP OMG WILL IT END?

4:40ishPM: Start the commute home

5:20ish: Pick up Reese

5:45ishish: Arrive home

Dinner, Playtime, Possible walk, Bath time, Bedtime.

9:00PM: ME TIME!!!!

See? Exhausting. Very little time for blogging. Or anything else for that matter.

B??

You know the saying.

"Haters gon' hate, Potatoes gon' potate"

Well that is EXACTLY what I plan to do in this blog tonight.

Hate. On. Everything.

Lots and lots of HATE in this blog...YAY

If you don't wanna read to it, you know what to do!

Let's start at the top: I hate daylight savings time.

Why the EFF do we have to "observe" daylight savings time?

And yes, it's referred to as "observing". Google it.

Not every state observes. How does that even work? 

It's not like Arizona is in a time zone of its own. Hawaii-okay fine.

Daylight savings time is so stupid. You just took an hour of my weekend!

Why don't they make stupid daylight savings time in the middle of the stupid week, or better yet never at all? I don't understand! SO STUPID!

I needed that hour. I didn't want that hour of sleep, I needed it. 

Which brings me to point number two.

I hate double ear infection and 101 degree fevers.

I hate it when my baby is sick.

In the first 2.5 years of his life he had one ear infection. ONE. 

He got sick like a normal kid, but not as frequently as he does now.

Conclusion: he's allergic to this apartment. 

You think I'm trying to be funny here? 

Guess again, or I'll hate on you too right now.

In the past ten months that we live here Reese has had at least three ear infections and pneumonia. He was diagnosed with allergies and asthma. 

And those are the times where we actually took a trip to the doctor!

Did I mention we never had these problems before??

Exactly. Perhaps its something in the apartment like mold or the fact that it totally blows. Or maybe it's just that this apartment totally blows. 

Next point: I HATE MY APARTMENT.

I know I have touched briefly on this before, but I still hate it more everyday.

I. HATE. IT. 

Last night I listened to a loud popping coming from my wall for at least a good twenty minutes, which could be one of two things.

1. Pressure in the pipes from hot water usage upstairs

2. The Exorcism of Emily Rose

I'm going to go with number one. Why? 

Because then I can blame it ON THESE STUPID ASS APARTMENTS.

I hate not being able to sleep. Last night was one of those nights. 

I wouldn't wish that on my worst enemy.

I know a couple people I would wish that on.

I just laid there for two hours, unable to sleep. I was wide awake, even though just minutes before that I was about to pass out! Ridiculous!

I didn't really have that issue either until I moved here, imagine that.

Then Reese woke up at least six times between when I fell asleep and when my alarm went off. Awesome.

That noise that comes from the wall pisses me off so much it makes me want to kick a small animal into oncoming traffic on 635.

 And I am not talking rush-hour-not-moving traffic, either.

It's bad, I know. But I can't even help it at this point.

I hate CVS pharmacy in Mesquite. Why do I keep going there? 

The same reason I go to Juarez Mexico, and by that I mean Wal-Mart in Garland.

And that is because it is somewhat convenient for now, or I am going insane.

I am usually the only white person there; its like Mexico only they don't accept pesos.

Or maybe they do. I'm not 100% sure, but I wouldn't be surprised.

Half the time they're out of everything because I'm pretty sure Mexicans have a special grocery-shopping time right before I go grocery shopping.

They are all conspiring against me, I swear!!! 

Where the deli worker not only doesn't really speak English, but didn't even know what prosciutto is. Yet there are fifteen different meats/cheeses in SPANISH. You work in an effing deli. Get with it.

The last time I went to CVS this stupid little pharmacy tech girl wanted to cop a 'tude with me. Guess who you don't want to cop a 'tude with? 

A mother with a sick 3 year old at 9 o'clock at night, that's who.

Needless to say we went back today, and what did they do?

Well I'll tell you what they DIDN'T do! 

They DIDN'T mix up Reese's antibiotics, and when did we realize this? 

WHEN WE WERE ALREADY AT HOME.

Great, what is he supposed to do with a bunch of powder antibiotics? 

Snort it? I don't think so! 

Luckily I have an amazing stepdad who drove all the way over just to take it back for me. He is one thing I am not hating right now.

I hate Plano Road. I hate construction. I hate people. I hate tornados. I hate that I just ate eight perogies. I hate selfish people. I hate people who lie about everything. I hate that I can't eat whatever I want and not get fat. I hate paying bills. I hate that I ran out of flour and can't make cookies right now. I hate that I'm already super tired and it's only 7:43 PM. I hate that I won't get to see my boyfriend for at least another week if not longer. 

I hate PMS, what about you?

B19.5

SURPRISE!

Two blogs in one day.

Today I had a huge scare, if you know what I mean.

Yep, a wrinkle scare.

On the eve-eve of my 24 birthday I discovered what I initially thought were wrinkles. 

Panic ensued.

That is not a discovery that you want to make on your way to work on a Monday, just sayin.

To say that I did not seriously contemplate finding the nearest Botox clinic would be a lie.

I know that it sounds super crazy; Botox at 23.95?! But I didn't know what else to do! 

Come on years of tanning, why did you have to catch up with me so quick?!

Skipping work for a spontaneous Botox sesh was just not an option today, so I went into the office and decided I would do the next best thing.

Moisturize the shit out of my face, and that is exactly what I did people!

I'm talking like slabbing on the lotion every 7-10 minutes.

I wish I could say I was exaggerating to be funny but I'm totally not.

I don't even carry a mirror around with me, I'm not really sure if that is normal, but I already know what I look like so I don't see the point.

Luckily, my coworker happened to have a mirror, which I snagged and kept with me all day. These wrinkles came on so quick, and I had to keep checking to make sure they weren't getting any worse. 

So I moisturized, and moisturized, and moisturized and moisturized and they seemed to be getting better. Whew.

I kept checking every 4-6 minutes just to be safe.

 If I'm already getting wrinkles now, can you imagine what I would look like at 30? 

I don't even want to THINK about it! 

I'm sure I looked totes vain to passers-by at work, checking my appearance in the mirror so often, but if they knew the sitch then surely they would've understood.

After 8 hours and half a bottle of lotion later I realized that it was just dry skin.

Thank GOD!!! 

B19

I'm moving in just over a month.

Thank you little baby Jesus! I have been waiting for this moment since JUNE!

Oh by the way, I signed my lease in JUNE!

To say that this was the worst apartment experience ever in my whole entire life of renting apartments would be a HUGE understatement.

That would be like a Jew saying that the Holocaust wasn't all too bad. 

Because it totally was, my friends. It totally was!

I have hated the duration of my time on this property with a mean, fiery passion. 

All 10 months of it. Starting pretty much from day one.

I am 95% positive that the front office manager is on drugs and she's a big fat dumb liar.

I waited for probably two to three months for them to fix my upstairs neighbors' floor because it was broken and loud as eva when I was trying to get my beauty rest.

You don't mess with a girl's beauty rest, okay!

And every other minute of every day for that matter. 

I didn't know initially that it was their floor that was broken, I didn't even know a floor could break. Then again I didn't know that they made houses that weren't made out of brick until I was a senior in high school. Live and learn!

After a certified letter, complaint to the BBB and some heated phone calls with drug addict front office manager Mary, it finally got somewhat fixed...a month later.

I'm pretty sure I met the Devil at some point during this lease that came straight from Hell. I told him to save a spot right next to him for Mary.

But enough about that, the fact that I hate the Country Club Apartments with every ounce of my being, deep down to my soul, is not the purpose of this blog.

Since we are moving soon, I had to look into a new daycare for Reese.

Have you ever took a tour of daycares? Oh my god. I need a drink just thinking about it.

I seriously burst into tears after I left the first daycare, and I'm not just saying that to be funny. It was that stressful for me.

When we first arrived at this daycare, please keep in mind that I sat in not moving traffic on George Bush (YES! George Bush. The highway that NEVER has traffic!) for a solid 20 minutes on our way there. That is a long ass time. Seriously, the crazy festival of ridiculousness ahead of me on that highway was something that was hard for my brain to comprehend. 

I've already talked about my feelings on driving, and traffic and asshole drivers that drive on the freaking shoulder or in the godforsaken grass for that matter just to get a little bit farther than you just to wait some more. 

Oh wait, I didn't touch on that in my driving blog? 

Well it boils my blood almost as much as the Country Club apartment complex.

I finally arrive at Daycare #1 and it was a life changing experience, and don't mean that in a good way. The thought of daycare in general seriously just stresses me the f out. There are so many horrible stories that I see on the news like:

1. They accidentally gave the kids washer fluid instead of Kool-Aid

2. Accidentally leaving the kid in the daycare van and they die

3. The entire Chris Hansen special on daycares that aired on Friday

4. Pretty much any other story about a daycare on the news ever

Since three weeks after he was born he has gone to the same caregiver who is truly amazing. Reese is so well behaved because of what she has instilled in him; he just brings that behavior home with him, and needless to say it has made my life a LOT easier. Finding someone to emulate the care that she has given my son would be impossible, but I was determined to find the next best thing. 

Daycare #1 was not that.

Children running around everywhere. 

You already know how I feel about other people's children.

Kind of like Going Bonkers, only there was one WT teacher lady who looks like she may or may not have smoked meth at some point in her life watching all these toddlers by herself. By the way, if you aren't familiar with my abbreviations, WT means White Trash. You're welcome.

Ever watched Toy Story 3? The baby room that the toys get thrown in? 

Yeah, that was kind of like this daycare, only I wasn't watching it on TV. 

I was actually stuck in it. Gross.

Kids throwing toys at the wall for no reason. Running around in circles.

 Sitting on the furniture, play fighting. 

Let me tell you about this play fight too. 

These kids were seriously like full on boxing each other in the room next to us, and they ended up in a dog pile. The teachers reaction? She walks by this pile-o-toddlers and just rips them off by their feet. Is that even legal? If you are going to be touching MY child, it better be in the form of a hug, or some other loving gesture. 

Not removing him from a dog pile by his feet. 

One of my biggest pet peeves is character-wear for children. 

Cars 2 shoes...Not okay. Toy Story sunglasses? I hate your child.

Any character merchandise that is worn by a child is just simply not okay.

I do not want to look at that. It really hurts my eyes. Please, just take it off already.

The reason why I hate them so much is because not only do they look super cheap, there is nothing that will ever match them or even come remotely close to matching them.

I feel like it makes children look very sloppy. If you put your kid in character merchandise I cannot say that I do not judge you without lying. Because I totally do.

I can pretty much put cash down that at least 75% of the 12 children in this room were wearing character merchandise of some kind, and it really bothered me down to my soul.

The classroom was decorated with laminated posters and letters fashioned into words that I'm pretty sure had been hanging there since I was in daycare back in 1993. 

I don't know why, but whenever I think back to my time in the St. Pius daycare, it really just gives me a weird feeling inside. I can't really describe it; it's not like I had any horrible daycare experience or anything, but it's just a feeling that overcomes me and I feel like I am back at daycare, 8 years old and looking like a boy. Very sad and lonely.

That daycare gave me that feeling.

Let's talk about the "playground" at this facility. 

We could pretty much just call it "ground" because it was a little Playskool plastic playground set that is made for like one child at a time, not 11 children running around with character merchandise and dirty faces. 

What the hell is my kid supposed to do on this playground? I don't understand.

Also, Reese would have to be in the baby class with two year olds. 

Stinky character-merchandise-wearin' two year olds with crappy pants.

NO!

I left this daycare feeling very defeated--hence, the tears.

I almost came to terms with the fact that I would be driving from north Frisco to Wylie everyday just so my kid didn't have to spend 10 hours a day anywhere near that daycare. 

Do you know how long that drive is? Probably around an hour with no traffic. And that is just to get from home to daycare, that would not have factored in driving to the office after dropping him off. The things you do for your child!

As soon as I pulled up to Daycare #2, the same feeling came over me like you get when you just woke up from a horrible nightmare (Daycare #1) and realize that you in fact do still have all your teeth and you are not actually being chased by a killer.

If I could put all my expectations down of a daycare, this daycare is all that and even things that I didn't even know I wanted.

 Perfect!

The people are so nice, children well behaved. 

Maybe 1% wearing character merchandise, and that is a huge step up from the last place!

While I am sad to close this chapter in my life, I am excited for what the future holds for us. The new daycare will be a big change for Reese, but it will definitely benefit him in his future.

Goodbye noisy neighbors! Goodbye hour commute everyday! 

Goodbye gangsters who hang out in the parking lot!

Goodbye neighbor who I'm pretty sure is a drug dealer!

Goodbye kicked in neighbor doors during nap time!

We are OUTTA here!!

B18

I have had so many recent blog-worthy experiences,

but just not enough blog-worthy hours in the day! 

For starters it is officially the start of MY birthday week, WHOOP!

What is it about your birthday that just really makes you feel so good?

Oh, that's just me? I guess it will wear off one day, but until then.. YAY ME!

Reese is seriously obsessed with firetrucks, I'm thinking of staging an intervention.

I'm talking like:

Someone: "What's your name?"

Reese: "I saw the firetrucks!"

Please keep in mind that the last time we went to see the firetrucks was over two weeks ago, and while he may have seen a firetruck in passing, that isn't what he's referring to.

It has gotten to the point in this that I sometimes am scared when people ask him what is name/age is because I truly do not know what he will say, and it will probably really confuse them.

Last night we let Reese pick out any movie that he wanted on Netflix. 

What does he pick? A firetruck documentary from like 1984.

 I'm talking full on mullets and horrible editing, like where the camera pans to a child and you can tell someone on the other side of it just mouthed "SMILE!" 

...Yeah, that kind of quality film-making.

It was also not a cartoon, which I am surprised that it kept him engaged for longer than 2.5 minutes. 

That would actually be an understatement, because we watched it two times in a row and he would have kept watching it on repeat but it just so happened to be a certain little firefighter's bedtime.

He kept repeating words as they were said on the video, it was so cute.

"Here we have a fire pole"

Reese: "POLE!"

"Now we will take a look at the ladder"

Reese: "LADDER!"

"Look at the firefighter"

Reese: "FIREFIGHTER!"

Reese gets so excited about this documentary that he seriously gets up and starts running around acting like a crazy person firefighter.

There was some firefighter business that needed to be taken care of, obviously, and no one was getting in his way!

In the video they talked about how firefighters help people in need,

so Reese comes to me expecting me to be his victim.

 He says, "Mommy you have to die."

I said, "Reese, that isn't very nice, and you shouldn't say things like that."

His response?

Okay well do this then *closes his eyes and acts like a dead person*

There was lots of running around saving the day and jumping in the bed ambulance, and spraying the water with the impromptu hose (extension cord) and just being silly.

Three is the best age ever, because his little imagination is just out of control right now!

B17

People are crazy.

Do you ever seriously ask yourself, 

"What the hell is wrong with people?"

Because I know I do! Pretty much every day! 

Tyler Police are on the hunt for a woman named Carmel Mitchelle-Foster Alexander (yeah that's what I said too) who performed an illegal breast augmentation in the back of her beauty shop. In the back of her beauty shop. Yep, you read that correctly.

WTF!!

There are two people to blame here.

1. The dumb ass who let someone give her a boob job in the back of Queen Diva's Hair Salon and Spa

2. The dumb ass who tried to give someone a boob job in the back of Queen Diva's Hair Salon and Spa

This really makes me question the thought process of both of these women. 

"Say girl, you want a bigger rack? Let me do it for you on the low low"

[I honestly don't really know hood-rat slang by any means, obviously]

It's not even the fact that homegirl #1 thought she could seriously pull this off, but it's the fact that the other homegirl #2 agreed to do it.

Which brings me to the question of the day:

What the HELL is wrong with people?

Does that woman look like a doctor to you?

 If you answered yes, then you are the reason why we have the question of the day. 

And my question to you is... What the hell is wrong with you?

This girl doesn't look like a doctor by any means.

 Where is her stethoscope? Scrubs? The outer portion of her eyebrows?

I wouldn't trust this woman if I saw her in a dark alley. 

I mean honestly, I wouldn't trust this woman if I saw her in broad day light in the Wal-Mart parking lot with a baby. 

I don't trust this woman primarily for the fact that she looks like a killer and also because she has like four names. Why the hell do you need for names? That's just outrageous! Is that a first in a last name, or a first middle middle last name? I'm so confused!

I wouldn't even trust this person to come within fifty feet of me with a pair of scissors, let alone to cut my hair.

I'm not sure how familiar you are with ethnic hairstyling, but that relaxer chemical can literately melt the skin off your head. If I were in the market for a relaxer, do you think I would get it from Carmel Mitchelle-Foster Alexander? HELL TO THE NO!

Your fake eyelash is falling off sweetie. 

Yes, the left one. If you can't figure out how to apply fake eyelashes to yourself using that little tube of adhesive, why would I let you give me a boob job?

Maybe her eyelash got in the way and she couldn't see what she was doing and that is why HG#2 is in critical condition after it all went down. Or, maybe it's because HG#1 injected an unknown substance into HG#2's tits, that's still up for discussion.

I know this story seems almost too crazy to be true... But there's more.

Homegirl #2 wasn't even the first one!!! 

So that means that TWO women seriously thought that this was going to be a great idea. Homegirl #2's cousin actually did the exact same thing about a week prior to her doing it. And that is just in this specific case! I don't know if ya'll have seen the pictures for concrete butt:

That looks photoshopped, doesn't it? Yeah, it's not. That's legit! 

That girl has a ton of junk in the trunk, and by junk I mean concrete and fix-a-flat. 

Was that really worth it? And here we were thinking McDonalds was bad for our health!

Why would you risk your life just to have a bigger butt and boobs?

As a life time member of the itty-bitty-titty-committee, women with big boobs really don't know what they're missing.

They don't know what they are missing, but they sure are missing it! 

Having small boobs is the freaking bomb. 

There are a lot of shirts and dresses that I can wear that women who are well endowed can't, and half of them don't even require a bra!

Really the only thing I can say to all this is: that shit cray.