the comeback

It has been two months and 23 days since my last blogfession.

When it comes to The Blog, I have it all planned out it in my head.

 "I'll blog every day!" 

"Okay, I'll blog every day but the weekend!"

"I'll blog once a week!"

Which has turned into...

I'll blog whenever I get the sudden urge to write a bunch of words.

Like today.

There wasn't anything specific that prompted the blog-urge. 

I didn't even have a plan of what to write when the urge hit. 

But, like all great writers, I found a cause good enough to make my come back.

And by cause, I mean a Facebook status that led to a response that led to a cause to write. And complain, and catch up, and all that other good stuff that you all just LOVE.

So I've been pretty busy since May! 

I have:

1. Moved out of the Garland/Dallas/Mesquite area. Forever.

THANK YOU BABY JESUS!! 

2. Went to Jamaica:

3. Continued to be awesome and perfect

4. Obtained a new baby niece:

OMG. She's just so cute. I want to hug her right now!

5. Survived a summer season of pee-wee soccer:

Key word=SURVIVE! 

I'd post a video but all you would hear is me screaming in the background.

"KICK THE BALL! KICK THE BALL!" ...It's not cute.

6. Started (and completed) my first ever season of The Bachelorette. 

Good times. No really, it was a good time for me.

7. Made a bunch of crap (and not crap) from Pinterest.

8. Gotten back into the whole school thing. 

(Where do I sign up to major in Pinterest-browsing and wine drinking? Because that's pretty much what I want to do. Let me know.)

9. A lot of other stuff that I can't really think of right now.

Alright, so now that we are done with the catch up I will do what I really came here to do.

THIS IS A PUBLIC SERVICE MESSAGE TO ALL YOU DRIVERS OUT THERE.

Yep, you. All of you. 

Even if you think you're all borderline-NASCAR--with-ya-bad-self.

 You are included.

I know I have said it before. But I'll say it again, and I am even seriously considering getting a bumper sticker to say how I really feel:

I HATE DRIVING.

I hate it. I hate it. I hate it. I hate it.

Whenever it comes to driving, I would consider myself a defensive driver. But I'm not talking about the 3 hour online course you took to dismiss a ticket. Oh no. I am talking full on:

Get the eff out of my way. And use your blinker while you're at it.

There's a few things that seriously irk me whenever it comes to my daily commute, and even my not commute.

If you are ever driving in the far right hand land, for example, on the Dallas North Tollway between the exits of Spring Creek and 121 around 5:39ish PM.. This is for you:

LET ME GET OVER! 

Why the freak would you drive in the far right hand lane if you DON'T want/know how to yield? You seriously piss me off. 

I'm talking like borderline make me wanna do a hate crime.

You see this blinker? It's not a Christmas light. 

I hate you. And I hate your 1997 white Honda Accord with stupid ass rims and your stupid face and hair cut. Yeah, you.

On the other side of the merging coin, whenever you are merging into traffic it's not okay to try and speed up and bypass those who are following the flow of traffic.

Ever used a zipper? Think about that when you merge into traffic.

One vehicle after another. It's really not that difficult.

This specific instant really impacts my life on the Dallas North Tollway between the exits of Legacy and Spring Creek around 7:35ish AM.

This is where the defense comes in. I will straight up drive in between the ending lane (that hasn't ended just yet, but it's about to) and the regular lane so you can't get around me. I'm that guy!!! 

I hope it ruins your day like you ATTEMPTED to ruin mine.

It's just rude and selfish. Kind of like this guy:

Nice use of the blinker, but turning from the middle lane is not only illegal but immediately indicates that you are a huge asshole. Could you BE any more inconsiderate? UGH! 

I hate bikes.

I hate bikes with two wheels and a stupid bicycler attached in spandex.

Oh. My. God. 

Could you possibly think of a more inconvenient time to bicycle around like you have no worries? Here's some good times for you to bicycle in the road:

YEAH NEVER.

But especially not during rush hour. 

Go on a Saturday or Sunday, or early early in the morning or in the evening.

Because frankly your bicycling between the hours of 7-9AM and 4-6PM is just NOT OKAY. WITH ANYONE I'M PRETTY SURE.

You stop up traffic for people trying to go to work. To their job. Which you obviously aren't headed to because you're riding around carefree and spandexy. 

Just stop already. Get on the damn sidewalk before I run your ass over!! 

Last, but certainly not least, are tailgaters.

Here's a good time to tailgate: 

In a parking lot with beer and friends.

On a road? On a highway? Any time other than that?

Not okay.

Where are you headed? Because you can just hop into my backseat and save gas. Seriously, get off my ass. Driving 4-6 inches away from my bumper isn't going to get you to where you are going any faster. I seriously hope and wish that you get stuck behind some cyclists every single day as soon as you're done tailing me. That's how much I hate you.

I could go on forever and ever and ever. But I'll just leave you with that for now. So long :)