B16

Today I celebrated that special time that only comes every six years, and that is renewing my driver's license.

I know you're thinking... Well why didn't you renew online?

Listen people, I have my reasons. There is a method to my madness!

There's two reasons that I didn't renew online, and that is because:

A. I wasn't eligible due to an unpaid speeding ticket that I just took care of 

B. I really wanted to take a new, not 18 year old picture

I got to the DMV at 8:05AM sharp.

 I really got in the parking lot at 8:00AM sharp, but I spent 5 minutes in the car making sure that my make-up looked good and I was photo-ready.

Don't even judge me here.

 I will be attached to that picture until I'm 30! (YIKES!)

It's important for me to look good in that picture, because let's just be honest...

 It's easier to talk your way out of a ticket if they have a reminder of how pretty you are when they go back to their squad car! 

Also, any time I go to a bar, what do I have to present? 

My driver's license.

 I really don't want a reminder of a crappy picture for the next six years, it's not like I can untag myself from my driver's license. 

I ended up parking on the WRONG side of the building.

 They must have changed things up since the last time that I visited six years ago, because I could've sworn that I parked on the correct side! 

Or maybe I'm just getting old, who knows.

Whenever I walked around the building there wasn't very much parking anyway.

Yeah, no parking. At 8:00AM. 

Please keep in mind that they OPEN at 8:00AM.

 I was borderline surprised that I didn't see any tents pitched! 

There was already a pretty heavy line, and I mean a line to wait for a number to then wait for your turn. It was ridiculous, but I had already come to terms with the fact that I was most likely going to have to wait for an extended period of time.

Back up about 50 steps and something pretty funny happened, thank you Reese! 

I don't know how much contact you have had with three year olds, but they are pretty blunt, and they really don't give a F what other people think. 

So as convenient as it is, the DMV is also in the same building as the State Troopers headquarters or something, and Reese thought that was pretty damn cool. We're walking around the building to the DL part, and we see a State Trooper putting gas in his car. 

This is where it gets good.

Reese shouts, and I kid you not, it was a shout:

"Look Mommy! A police officer! A BLACK ONE!"

Wow, great. That's not awkward! Thanks, Reese! 

So I shoot him a very uncomfortable smile, because he was indeed black, and I was indeed very uncomfortable.

I hurry Reese along, and while the cop did smile and somewhat laugh (I think) I really didn't want to stick around to see if he was offended or not.

We get in line to wait for a number. 

The last time I renewed my driver's license was when I was 18; I am not familiar with the DLR [driver's license renewal] protocol, so I ask the little mexican hoodrat gangster in front of me if that was the line to get a number.

Let me tell you something, and I want you to seriously listen to me. 

Brush your teeth people. 

I don't even want to be in contact with myself first thing in the morning, so I definitely don't want to be in contact with someone else's morning breath first thing in the morning, or ever for that matter. 

It took everything in me not to look like this: 

Because that pretty much sums up exactly how I was feeling on the inside, and you know what they say...A picture is worth a thousand words.

In line, waiting for a number, and waiting and waiting, and then waiting some more. Sound familiar? Unfortunately it was not as entertaining as Jury Duty, and I won't be getting a $6 check in the mail from the DMV any time soon. 

FINALLY... It's my turn to grab a number. 10. Alright, that doesn't seem too bad.

We go to our seat and I fill out the paper that was handed to me. I made a last minute decision to become an organ donor, because let's just be honest is it really going to have any impact on me whatsoever? No, it won't. Because I'll be dead.

Apparently I also made another last minute decision:

And that was to admit to the world that I am in fact a US citizen. 

Whoops. I pay taxes, I swear. 

They actually made me initial that change whenever I got to the counter.

LOL!

The guy sitting next to us was playing a race car game on his phone, and of course Reese was very intrigued by this. How did he know? Because homeboy didn't have his phone on mute, that's how. So of course, Reese wants to play, and I'm thinking, 

'I swear if you drop that phone and crack the screen I am NOT replacing it!' 

I should probably invest in a sign for Reese to wear around his neck, 

"Let the baby play with your phone at your OWN risk!"

Maybe a shirt, that seems a little more ....like a shirt and not that my three year old wears a disclosure sign around his neck.

We're waiting for about an hour, and then suddenly, I'm next in line.

And suddenly, I have to go to the bathroom SO bad!

 Why does that always happen, WHYYYYY?

Needless to say, I hold it, because I'm not really jumping in line to miss my turn.

23 minutes.

That's how long I was "next in line" about to ...you know.

Finally it's my turn, awesome. 

Reese thanks homeskillet for letting him play with his phone and we go to the counter so I can take care of bidnass.

Why do they ask you how much you weigh?

I mean, it's not like I am ashamed of it, and honestly I added three pounds just in case. But people lose/gain weight all the time, and I don't see any poundage listed on MY driver's license. 

I do the little eye test as well, and let me tell you how disgusting THAT is.

I wiped off the little headrest thing with my sweater, but seriously, can we get some Lysol up in here? Nuzzling around in someone else's dead forehead skin cells is not something I want to be doing just for the sake of renewing my driver's license.

I pass the eye test, because just like my blood pressure, I have outstanding vision.

Now it's picture time. 

I of course fix my hair and smile pretty, but the flash was so bright I was scared that I blinked.

I didn't really want to make a scene, like

 "Can I please review that before you hit submit?"

I guess now-a-days they actually print your picture on your temporary paper copy, so I could take a looksie... and it actually turned out pretty dang good! 

So I will now say goodbye to my vertical 'under 21 until...' drivers license and wait for my grown up horizontal copy in the mail.

Check ya later DMV. See you again when I'm 30!