B6

As I was brainstorming about the crazy people blog I intended to write tonight, all I could think about was how much...

I love criminals.

I think I would go as far as to say that I freaking love criminals.

I also love cops, but I wouldn't go as far as to say that I freaking love them.

Criminals are great, I mean, how could you not love them?

See Below.

 I bet you're all.. "If you love criminals so much why don't you marry one?"

Because you don't marry criminals. 

It's kind of like when people love babies, but they don't have babies.

On the other side of that is my love for cops, but you don't marry cops, because they're probably already married, 

even though they're hollering at honeys as if they don't have a wife waiting at home. 

So now you're probably thinking, if you love cops and you love criminals, then you must love crime scenes, so why aren't you into CSI or something like that?

(remember the physic blog? yeah, he got it from me)

I don't love crime scenes, because they usually involve blood and guts, and there is a reason why your blood and guts are underneath your skin.

So I don't have to look at them, duh! 

I like to appreciate crime scenes from afar. 

That could mean at the end of the street, rubber-necking on 635, or from my couch.

(Who doesn't love a good episode of COPS?)

I appreciate crime scenes because you get to see cops in their natural habitat.

The criminal goes to jail, but that's usually only temporary, and even if one criminal goes to jail there are still many more criminals to watch.

I sometimes get overly invested in criminal cases.

I read the news everyday. It's not the newspaper, but then again it is 2012.

Whenever I find a particularly interesting story, I search for the criminal on Facebook.

Don't act like you don't do that too. It's completely normal.

I just want to see their picture, if I'm lucky their profile isn't private, but generally they are.

Criminals are generally pretty private about their business, until they get arrested and all their shit is on blast.. HAHA! I love public records. 

Example: the above mugshots.

Alright, so back to crazy criminals...

Recently a man drove from Sachse to East Dallas,

stabbed his wife and her parents, then drove back to Sachse like nothing ever happened.

[which is probably around a 30 minute drive one way, all street lights, not highway] 

I used to drive that route every day, and the drive alone makes him bat shit crazy.

If there were a pot of gold at the end of that drive, I would still seriously consider if it was worth it, because it's that much of a beating.

I've heard that stabbing someone is the hardest way to kill them.

I haven't really researched it though, because I'm really not in the market for murder.

(I'll just unfriend you on Facebook, which is practically the same thing)

I guess he worked up a bit of an appetite after it all went down, because they caught him after he pulled out of the drive-thru of Taco Bueno in Sachse.

Wait, so you mean to tell me that you just stabbed three people and then drove 30 minutes back to your home town to grab a freaking breakfast burrito?

According to WFAA's website, he ordered a sausage burrito and a drink.

Not really sure if he actually got to eat it, because the cops were waiting for him there, and he was immediately arrested after pulling away from the window.

I wonder what he got to drink.

The person who took his order said that he had blood on his left hand and his fingers were bandaged with electrical tape.

Come on dude, wash your freaking hands before you enjoy your burrito!

After a little bit of research, he actually is on to something here.

Electrical Tape vs. Band Aids

Band Aids are usually around $3.09 for a box of 30 bandages. So that equals to around 10 cents a bandage. Electrical tape however is about 1.73 for a roll, and get this... it comes with a freaking warranty. A one year warranty! I'm serious!

Electrical tape is also waterproof, which even the waterproof Band Aids really aren't.

Genius.

Now, if you're thinking about subbing Band Aids with electrical tape and you think I won't judge you... Guess again.

"People who recently viewed this item" 

on Walmart.com also viewed another item which I found particularly interesting: 

Large Latex Disposable Gloves

Plastic Safety Goggles

Lawnmowers

How to be a Stupid Ass Criminal

(JUST KIDDING)

My heart goes out to the family and those involved, it really is a tragic situation.

Dumb criminals just make me laugh. Good criminals don't get caught.