B3

Today I want to talk about something that is very important to me, and it should be important to you as well.

There's two types of people in this world.

Those who use proper grammar,

and those who do not.

I'm not talking double negatives, or subjects and predicates, or even dangling participles.

I'm talking about punctuation abuse, and it is a serious problem in our world.

With things like Facebook, Twitter, texting and of course, BLOGGING!

People feel as if they need to either use an excess amount of punctuation to prove a point, or they neglect the punctuation by not using any at all.

Now, I don't know about you, but whenever I read something, I actually hear a narrator in my head. 

For you it may be your favorite actress, maybe its Obama, maybe it's Morgan Freeman.

In my case, my narrator is just myself, so nothing 'spesh here.

This is where YOUR punctuation abuse becomes MY problem, because then MY in-head narrator sounds like a friggen MORON because of YOU.

It's all YOUR fault!

[no pressure]

There are three types of punctuation abuse that I am going to touch on tonight.

1. Excess exclamation points.

example: Hey!!!!!!!!!!!! I'm so glad it's Monday!!!!!!!!! I brought chicken for lunch!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Let's just be honest, no one is ever excited it is Monday, unless its your birthday, pay day, or you don't have to work, which basically means that Monday is really just an extension of your weekend, and that means I am jeally. 

(and that's not really Monday)

The fact that you brought chicken, well okay, chicken is delicious, but is it really necessary to use fifteen exclamation points?

Let me answer for you... NO!

2. Not using commas at all, or using them incorrectly.

example: Hey I am so glad, it's Monday I brought chicken, for lunch.

I'm not sure who taught you what in regards to grammar, but a comma is used to indicate a pause in the sentence. So now my in-head narrator just sounds like they're really out of breath, or it sounds like you are a friggen IDIOT! 

just sayin'

3. Ellipsis

Not sure what an ellipsis is? Then you probably shouldn't even be using it.

...

^^

Look familiar? That is called an ellipsis. You're welcome. 

Try incorporating that in your lunch conversation tomorrow!

The purpose of an ellipsis is to indicate an unfinished thought, end of a sentence, or a trailing off into silence.

Notice: I did not say that it's used to end EVERY sentence.

Whenever this is used incorrectly, it really bothers me, because my in-head narrator sounds like she's on heroin and is about to nod out mid-sentence.

example: Hey...I'm so glad it's Monday...I brought chicken for lunch...

That sounds like this:

Hey (three second pause) I'm so glad it's Monday (three second pause) I brought chicken for lunch (three second pause)

This is just completely unnecessary, and honestly, it makes me want to unfriend you on Facebook and never talk to you again.

This is just a brief summary of punctuation abuse that I encounter quite frequently.

One day I will blog about pronoun neglect, but that is a subject for another day.

If you are thinking 'oh my god why is she blogging about me?'

It's not about you.

But if you are abusing punctuation......

PLEASE, STOP, THANKS, BYE!!!!!